Hello guys! A lot of shit has happened in past week and I thought it deserved to have its own blog post and the major shit that has happened was that I got fired from my English teacher tuition job. I don’t know how I feel about this both parts sad, relieved, happy and confused.
My ex-boss, Mrs. S, said that I wasn’t cut out for this job. She said it in nicer terms but the essence of the talk was that I wasn’t up to par with what she wanted, wasn’t suitable and thus I was given the boot. The reason why I am feeling confused was because one part of me is relieved and happy that I get my Saturdays back which gives me more time to focus on my book blog, bookstagram and booktube and also I was really struggling to teach my students. Don’t get me wrong I am good in English for a Malay but I completely suck at explaining the technicalities of English especially since I myself don’t even know these technicalities even existed. I have never heard of adjective phrases, adverbial phrases, gerunds, noun clauses and such so it was nothing short of a miracle that I was able to study the material myself days beforehand and teach it! But the thing that made me sad was aside from the money that I will be losing was that I will miss my kids. I grew attached to some of them and they became friends of mine (also probably why I had a supposed ‘discipline’ problem in my class, I was too nice).
Altogether, I was happy that I gave this job a shot. Even though I failed, I felt as if this failure is just a stepping stone to a new adventure. So what, I was fired from this job at least I gave my best and I learned from it. Now I know without a doubt that I am not a very good teacher, I’ve always known it but now with actual proof it is undeniable.
Mom is now making me call this other tuition center and I am here just thinking like jeez, woman give me a break. I have been non-stop working ever since I graduated. Barely two months after I finished my last class, I was forced to start work as a tea-lady then I was coerced to take on more classes than I can handle. I told her I cannot handle four classes especially if two of them is middle school, she didn’t believe me and so obviously that crashed and burned. I sometimes wished that mom saw how tired I am, physically and mentally. I am 24 and I really do feel like I am burnt out. She says that if she could do it why can’t I but she can’t see that I am not her. I am so sick and tired of my life being controlled from what course I take in uni to what jobs I get to what I can or cannot spend.
I just need a break you know. It doesn’t have to be a long ass holiday. Just a full weekend where I can vege out and just meditate and chill or whatever. Damn, this post went from optimistic to pessimistic fast. Better stop now before it becomes a whole downward spiral of gloom.
That’s all the updates I have for now.