A Diary

Ezza’s Life Updates

Hello guys! A lot of shit has happened in past week and I thought it deserved to have its own blog post and the major shit that has happened was that I got fired from my English teacher tuition job. I don’t know how I feel about this both parts sad, relieved, happy and confused.

My ex-boss, Mrs. S, said that I wasn’t cut out for this job. She said it in nicer terms but the essence of the talk was that I wasn’t up to par with what she wanted, wasn’t suitable and thus I was given the boot. The reason why I am feeling confused was because one part of me is relieved and happy that I get my Saturdays back which gives me more time to focus on my book blog, bookstagram and booktube and also I was really struggling to teach my students. Don’t get me wrong I am good in English for a Malay but I completely suck at explaining the technicalities of English especially since I myself don’t even know these technicalities even existed. I have never heard of adjective phrases, adverbial phrases, gerunds, noun clauses and such so it was nothing short of a miracle that I was able to study the material myself days beforehand and teach it! But the thing that made me sad was aside from the money that I will be losing was that I will miss my kids. I grew attached to some of them and they became friends of mine (also probably why I had a supposed ‘discipline’ problem in my class, I was too nice).

Altogether, I was happy that I gave this job a shot. Even though I failed, I felt as if this failure is just a stepping stone to a new adventure. So what, I was fired from this job at least I gave my best and I learned from it. Now I know without a doubt that I am not a very good teacher, I’ve always known it but now with actual proof it is undeniable.

Mom is now making me call this other tuition center and I am here just thinking like jeez, woman give me a break. I have been non-stop working ever since I graduated. Barely two months after I finished my last class, I was forced to start work as a tea-lady then I was coerced to take on more classes than I can handle. I told her I cannot handle four classes especially if two of them is middle school, she didn’t believe me and so obviously that crashed and burned. I sometimes wished that mom saw how tired I am, physically and mentally. I am 24 and I really do feel like I am burnt out. She says that if she could do it why can’t I but she can’t see that I am not her. I am so sick and tired of my life being controlled from what course I take in uni to what jobs I get to what I can or cannot spend.

I just need a break you know. It doesn’t have to be a long ass holiday. Just a full weekend where I can vege out and just meditate and chill or whatever. Damn, this post went from optimistic to pessimistic fast. Better stop now before it becomes a whole downward spiral of gloom.

That’s all the updates I have for now.

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3 thoughts on “Ezza’s Life Updates

  1. I’m glad that you have been given a chance to step away from doing a job that you know you weren’t fitted for. Part of our working lives is figuring what we are good at and enjoy and focus our efforts on that. It’s important. You can work harder, achieve more and tire less easily if you are earning the necessary wage-packet by doing something you find rewarding and enjoyable. It can be anything – but it has to be your choice. And it’s simply not good enough for your mother to be pushing you into channels that suit her – you are you. Not her. I think it’s really time you took a breath to work out what YOU want to do. I hope you get a chance to do that.

    Liked by 1 person

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